Catalyst

The past two weeks have been somewhat of a B'ville reunion tour for me. First their was a visit from an old high school friend, then an email from an even older elementary school friend. We've all grown up so much. Happy adults with real potential and quality dreams.
Wondering if I should continue this tour.. it's been years since I heard from Sarah, Mary or Robby.

More evidence of me being reclusive, even if unintentionally so. I do think I bring this upon myself. I shouldn't complain about being isolated while refusing facebook invitations. I need to swallow my nerves and just knock on my neighbor's door. I can hear the blues harmonica from the stairwell. If I wasn't so uncomfortable meeting new people I'd go ahead and compliment Apt 300's musical taste. I've been living in the same building for almost two years now and it still feels like a hotel.

The voice messages I leave are a good barometer of my social competence. You can tell when I've been in the lab all day; my phrases are short and choppy. I pause awkwardly in search of common words. I become so much better at stringing things together when I'm conversing regularly with real people for awhile. Ray and I've both noticed that our capacity for speech is inversely proportional to the time we spend locked away battling math.

I also noticed how differently people perceive me when I bring along a friend. It must just take one inside person accepting you-- a nucleation site, if you will-- to bring you into a pre-formed group. Without that single catalyst, it's difficult to get others to voluntarily open up. I don't see that behavior as malicious, either; just basic human nature. I suppose over this thing called 'time' stuff will naturally work itself out.

"Science?? We're just monkeys with tools."- Ray