Awkward

It shouldn't be so hard to make friends here.

Sometimes I think I'm just socially inept. It's highly unlikely that the whole damn town is messed up. It must be me... I must constantly be insulting people or pushing them away.

Either that or it's how Allie so well described it: can't shake off the scent of 'other'. I wish I didn't feel like a foreigner in my own country. I wonder if thinking that way essentially cripples me from reaching out-- I naturally retreat to being a loner. It's more comfortable exploring by yourself than spending time surrounded by people who look through you (or, worse, down at you).

But I've managed to find and befriend other odd, smiling, introverted souls before.
Forgetting that birthday and missing the concert probably didn't help matters. I'm really sorry; I don't know why I mess up like that. Do I only get one chance? Would ice cream and fake cheese make matters better or worse?

At least we have some great rallies coming up. Playing "Radar Love" with the band keeps me happy for a good 8 hours.
Well, that and homemade oreos.

EDIT: I was reminded today of something rather important: it's not that I don't have any friends.. they're just scattered, literally, all across America (with a slightly higher concentration in the Midwest).

DOUBLE EDIT: Hoping things will improve drastically this weekend. A wonderful gasping gulp of fresh air.